doctor in the house

I spent the day with the Rug Doctor.

Cunning readers might link this with Nelly's arrival, and certainly Nelly has unfortunately proven to be somewhat dim about the differences between INside and OUTside. But our sweet Daisy is also partly to blame as she, poor girl, is a dribbler. Don't grimace. Odds are it will happen to you eventually, no matter how many Kegels you do.

Anyway, it's been a year since we moved in and did the carpets and it was time. I had done some spot cleaning before and then I was ignoring the carpet altogether because we're supposed to be putting floors in.... but then it became clear that these floors were not going to appear for some time and meanwhile the carpet was looking kind of dodgy and worse, smelling icky.

We used to have our carpets done professionally, once even by Coit who demanded an amount approaching my mortgage payment for their services. For the record, expensive as they are, they do a great, great job. The cheaper dudes were, well, cheaper, and not as good.

Lately we've been doing it ourselves. It's really not that bad & it saves a lot of money. And saving money is something I like a lot. (One day soon I'll tell you how I'm saving $5000.)

So here's how to have a great time with the doctor.

If you're in the Lower Mainland, try to pick the hottest day of the year to do your carpets. Life in a temperate rainforest unfortunately means mould is ever present. If you need to do your carpets more than once a year and can't wait for the summer heatwave, at least pick clear days with low humidity.

I got the machine last night so that I could start first thing in the morning. During the midweek, you can rent the machine for 48h for the same price as a 24h rental over the weekend. Having it longer lets you repeat rooms if necessary or do your car.....

Buy a good quality carpet shampoo. I like to use an additional carpet deodorizer, and due to my specific situation, I was adding Nature's Miracle to the water as well.

Vacuum thoroughly with the regular vacuum.

Pretreat high traffic areas. I used to buy the pretreatment spray but recently I've just been using the regular shampoo full strength in a spray bottle. Spray stains & spots at least 5-10 minutes before shampooing.

You can save money on defoamer if you just follow this simple instruction: fill the bucket with water first and then add the shampoo and deodorizer and gently swirl. Unless your carpets have a huge soapy residue from previous cleanings, this eliminates the excess foaming problem.

Wear clean runners.

Use the machine in straight lines and then go over the same area again, this time making your passes perpendicular to the first go.

The official instructions say to not go over the same spot repeatedly but I do. Bite me. It works for me. The big concern is if you oversoak the carpet and it starts getting mouldy. If you're doing this on the hottest day of the year, it's not an issue. That's why I spent my day here instead of at the beach - I could go over the icky Nelly spots over and over again.

When you're treating pet stain or leaky toddler spots, you must get down on your knees and sniff. If there's a strong icky smell, keep cleaning. If all you smell is shampoo, you're done in that area. If the smell of pee is pretty faint and you've already gone over as many times as you feel comfortable (& you worry that you're soaking not just through the underlay but also the subfloor & possibly the ceiling of the floor below you), do the following: mist the spot heavily with Nature's Miracle (or another enzyme pet stain cleaner) and put a damp facecloth on the area. You want that spot to stay damp long enough for the enzymes to work.

It's a tough balance. If it stays wet too long, you'll get mould & mildew smell. If it dries too fast, the enzymes won't have had time to do their job & you'll have pee smell. If you get it just right, the carpet will smell clean. You will kneel down, sniff, and come up smiling.

There's one more thing. It's THE SECRET. Much better than that other The Secret thing.... This Secret is really great. Not only makes carpet cleaning a snap, it also saves relationships, improves parenting, enhances marriages.



Just slip these on, and then the entire process becomes meditative and immensely satisfying. You make nice neat stripes on the carpet. You see ugly spots and dirt disappear right before your eyes. Dirt is gross. It's wrong. Here you are standing up for cleanliness and justice and all that is good. You can see that you're setting the world right again, and every time you empty that bucket of black water, your heart swells with satisfaction and you gaze with pride over the sea of saxony.

All you hear is a gentle quiet hum and the sound of your own breathing.

Fabulous invention. Crying baby? Whiny children? Long winded argumentative spouse? Incredibly loud carpet shampoo machine which would normally give you a migraine in 30 minutes? No problem. Just slip these on and stay serene.