reason # ... I don't know, I've lost count.....why dogs are great

When one of your kids sleepwalk-staggers into your bedroom in the middle of the night, and promptly heaves all over you, your bed, the hall and the bathroom floor, but not at all into the toilet to which you're trying to steer them, the dog will help you clean up.

I realize this will make some of you like dogs even less than you already do.

But it makes me adore them even more.

Kid is fine this morning, btw. So are the dogs.


And today I'm additionally thankful for the invention of the washer & dryer.

Happy 14th Amelia

Just in time for Amelia's 14th birthday, our slightly better than crap camera broke, leaving us with the totally crap camera to work with.

Ooooops. Flash didn't go off.


Ooooops. Too much flash. Also weird halo effect from lamp. Roo is not a saint.


Stand against the wall instead.


Stop giggling and fidgeting! This thing can't focus!

Ok, finally, I think we have it. Amelia, don't dig that bony elbow into your father's side, no matter what snide comments he's making about me.

Three generations.

The birthday girl. Happy 14th Birthday!!!

We had a lovely family dinner (curry, curry and more curry) on Friday night and on Sunday, some of Amelia's friends joined us for an outing. We went to see Bolt in Digital 3D, which was pretty awesome. You do have to wear silly glasses but I didn't get a headache from it. The movie itself is fun though, as usual, I think I saw the best parts in the previews. Previews and trailers these days tend to be so long that if you see a couple of them, you've pretty much seen the entire movie - the best jokes, most magnificent action shots - and you can pretty much make out the entire plot, too. It's an efficient way to watch movies; just spend a bit of time on the apple trailer site and you can get the gist of all the current movies without having to stir from your house or spend any money!

Afterwards we all went to Me-n-Ed's where we huddled around the fireplace and enjoyed a nice meal.

It is unreasonably cold, cold, cold here. Vancouver is not supposed to have forecasts like "overnight lows of -10, -18 windchill". Brrrrrrrr.

Hugo is 10!

Actually it was yesterday. Yes, Hugo's birthday falls on the day income tax is due in Canada so all his birthdays are doomed to be fraught with sorting receipts, finding stray T4's and trying to submit taxes online to the crashing CRA website.

The birthday celebrations ended up going on and on - Saturday was the kid's party.


Sunday, the granparents, aunt, uncle & cousins.
(If you look behind Hugo, you'll see the reno in progress - windows still waiting for casing, walls needing sanding and remudding and painting.)

On Wednesday, we had our own quiet celebration. I took the kids out to Reifel Bird Sanctuary (pix of that coming separately) and then we had Hugo's favourite meal - Indian take out. Chicken tikka and dum alloo for the kids, lamb curry for Roo, palak paneer for me, and lots of plain nan for all of us. Yum. Hugo really loves Indian food. On Sunday, we had curry also. But for the kids party, he relented and served pizza to his guests.

Here are a few shots of the dry ice with soap water effect from the Saturday party.

A Recipe for a Children's Party

For many years we've been doing 'at home' birthday parties, with Roo as MC. I usually hide in the kitchen, popping out only to take a few pictures now and then. Here's a template for what, over the years, has proven to be a very successful party format. The key is the MC. Roo does this act where is a cross between a drill sergeant, Bill Nye and your favourite oldest cousin.

This party was for Hugo, who will turn 10 on Wednesday. For a younger child's party, cut down the party duration and the # of activities.

Our parties are always multi age as we invite siblings if we know them. Heck, we invite them even if we don't know them. This year our youngest guest was almost 7. The oldest was 16, plus we had an unofficial guest older sibling who is 18 and whom I roped in to help serve lunch. Everyone looked like they were having a good time, nobody cried, nobody was too fried or hyper, and nobody lost an eye.

1:00 start. Guests should be arriving. If your guests are anything like ours, you can expect them to come anytime between 1 & 4. That's OK. Our plan has flexibility built in for that. Kids come & get folded into whatever activity is on at the moment.

1:15 Balloon Animals. When the kids were younger, Roo would make them for the kids. He'd take requests, but no matter what they asked for, they got a 4 legged blobby thing which he would 'sell' them in exquisite detail as being exactly what they had asked for. Bonus points if you can do parts of Steve Martin's old balloon animal skits. This year, as the kids are older, they also got to try making their own animals. It helps if you have blown some up in advance. Store them in big garbage bags until needed.

Also in here are balloon javelin toss, where you stand the kids in 2 rows about 10 feet apart and they try to throw the long balloons at each other, and the inevitable balloon sword fighting skirmishes which break out. Put the skirmishes out as soon as possible or you'll lose control of the room.

1:30 Balloon 3-legged race. You tie their legs together with one of the long skinny balloons and they have to race back & forth without the balloon popping.

1:40 Balloon drop. Kids line up. Roo is some distance away, appropriate for age of the group. He calls out a kid's name & drops a round balloon from over his head. The child whose name was called has to race up & catch the balloon before it hits the ground. This is actually an alzheimer's test for Roo as he has to memorize all the children's names and remember them during a time of stress and noise. Roo has a hard time remembering my name sometimes, so you can see it would be a challenge.

1:50 Balloon sit. For older kids, use helium quality balloons as you want them to be hard to pop. You prepare this activity in advance by stuffing a candy (we use a chocolate caramel type candy) inside the balloon, then blow it up with regular air & tie. Store in a bag until needed. Then, each child gets a balloon and they have to pop it by sitting on it on the ground (this is done indoors. Helps if the area is carpeted as it increases difficulty.) It's quite hard to do & they will be bouncing around a while to get them to pop. Then they get to eat the candy.

2:00 Pass the parcel. Prepared in advance. This year it was a package of licorice string, which had been wrapped in about 20 or 30 layers of paper. Kids sit in a circle, music is played as they pass it around. When the music stops, that person gets to take off one layer of paper. Person in charge of music has to rig it so everyone gets a turn at unwrapping. Finally, get the parcel unwrapped & everyone gets a piece of licorice string.

2:15 Wink murder. I'll have to come back and let you know what this is about as I really don't understand this game at all.

If extra time is needed here (ie. the lunch lady - me - is not on the ball), Broken Telephone. Hugo started it off with Stephane Dion. Nobody got it.

2:30 Lunch. As the weather was gorgeous this year, we ate out on the deck.

Dry ice entertainment during meal. Yes, there is danger at our parties. Get waivers if you're worried :-) Buy dry ice. I find 10 lbs is a good amount. If you're buying more than 24h in advance, or are in a very hot climate, get more as you'll lose it. Place containers of hot water on the table, drop some dry ice into the water (using tongs or a measuring cup and gloves). Warn children not to touch the dry ice or the hot water. They will try to catch the vapours. They can fill their drinking cups with it, pour it out over their hands, and blow it at the people sitting opposite them. If you're outdoors, nobody will pass out. If you're indoors, open the windows just in case. This isn't too messy but your table will get wet so if that's an issue, cover it with plastic under the tablecloth. When the bubbling slows down, if there's still dry ice in the container, you can start it up again by adding hot water.

We've been doing this for years and each year everyone still gets a kick out of the dry ice fogging up the table. Anyone who can't explain the process or spell sublimation doesn't eat. (kidding!)

2:55 Paper Airplanes. Roo did a quick demo on how to build a paper airplane. The kids each made on & then lined up on our deck and threw them as far as they could. They were sent to retrieve them and got a candy for coming back with it (yes, that's clean up, cunningly disguised as a game).

3:10 Scavenger Hunt. This is an activity in our garden. Roo made up the list & I printed it out using words & some clip art for those children who may not be fluent readers yet. It had things like granite (Roo, the geologist, wanted to put down things like "plagioclase" but I dissuaded him), two colored leaf, one colored leaf, stick, pine cone, tall blade of grass. There were also small pieces of blue and red streamers hung on various branches ahead of time and they were on the list as well. Each child gets a copy of the list & a small brown paper lunch bag and all their items have to fit in the bag - this to prevent someone ripping off a huge chunk of some bush! Some worked in pairs, some independently & this was semi-competitive because inevitably you get some kids who are raring to go and do a bit of triumphant cheering about coming in first or whatever, but in the end, Roo inspects all their stuff and everyone gets another candy. Again caramels are good, especially the really hard ones as they do stick their teeth together and turn the volume down a bit. (We have done this activity indoors also - just vary the items and hide things in advance. Make it easy enough so everyone will find the things & if necessary, pair the younger ones with some older kids.)

3:30 Cake. Handwashing & back to the table for the cake & singing Happy Birthday. Presents got opened at this time too. Then more dry ice. This time, add a few squirts of liquid soap to the hot water before the dry ice goes in. Makes a great bubbly brain coral effect. The kids can pop the bubbles with their fingers and little puffs of 'smoke' will come out.

3:45 Water Balloon Toss. Prepare water balloons in advance and store them in bins. We have a small path with paving stones just below the deck so there were 'targets' with points drawn with sidewalk chalk on the paving stones and the kids lined up on the deck to take turns throwing a balloon down and trying to hit a target. Roo somehow convinced the kids that they had to go down and pick up all the broken balloon pieces too.

4:00 Goody bags handed out at the door. In a pinch, for children who really don't want to leave, you lure them to their cars with the goody bags. Do not give a child the goody bag in the house or they will open it immediately and never leave, and you will develop a twitch under your left eye which will last for the next 24h.

The End.

Have a beer. Or two.


Supplies checklist:
-balloons: long, round plain, round helium, water. Prepare as many as you can store.
-balloon pump
-large soundproof room. Yes! We have one, courtesy of a previous resident who was a musician. Empty as much of the furniture out of the room as possible.
-masking tape for drawing lines on the carpet
-caramel candy; for stuffing in balloons and as awards
-something to be shared which can be placed in the parcel for 'pass the parcel'
-lots of used wrapping paper
-scotch tape
-source of music
-industrial hearing protection for the MC to be used at strategic times (such as the balloon pop game)
-dry ice
-hot water
-a variety of containers for the dry ice
-liquid soap for dry ice demo
-food & drinks
-cake
-plates, glasses, napkins
-paper for paper airplanes
-scavenger hunt lists
-paper bags for scavenger hunt
-goody bags ready and securely locked up until the end

Packaging Girlhood

Oh boy how I love sticky notes & sticky tags. They save the day when you don't own the book, and can't fold down corners & scribble in margins.

Here are a few tidbits from Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing our Daughters from Marketers' Schemes

At the mall:

The commercialization of girlhood hits hard. Sexy clothing for four- and five-year-olds is all the rage, and if you read T-shirt slogans, you know how girlhood is marketed. Your daughter can choose her identity, but the choices are frightfully limited: Professional Drama Queen, Paradise Princess, or Pretty Princess Beauty Queen. ... There is also Extra Fancy & Delicious/Quality Guaranteed, Spoiled, Princess Soccer Club, 100% Angel, Hollywood Superstar Film Crew, and Cheer Bunny. p. 16

Older girls can tell the world that they're Born to Shop and that Math Never Spells Fun.

Our survey and experience with middle school girls is that they're proud of their intelligence. So why all these messages about angels, princesses, shopping, and socializing as natural qualities and activities of young teen girls? Maybe it makes people anxious when girls get smarter; maybe these Ts symbolize the discomfort and represent a sort of collective nervous giggle. Or maybe it is something more serious. More girls are going to college than boys right now, and there is a spate of books asking what we should do about boys falling behind. Thus this more public display of the stereotype - boys' smarts and girls' social interests - could be a kind of backlash. pp. 42-43

The resistance to gender stereotypes is now sold at the same store that perpetuates them. It is like the time when sixties die-dyed shirts lost their roots in the counterculture and became available at Sears and Bloomingdale's. Don't think about what it really means to challenge or take a political stand. Just buy the appearance of taking a stand. And selling resistance means, of course, containing it, restricting it so that it is manageable and not really resistance at all. p. 33

It is amazing how frequently and pervasively teens are sold an image of hot and sexy. The message is that that's what women are prized for in the culture at large. That's what makes women interesting. For middle school girls in particular, being sexy is what will get them noticed and give them power. p. 44

We don't advise dismissing sexy dressing as 'just the fashion,' either. Sexy clothing is marketed earlier and earlier to girls, and they may find it hard to resist the attention they get when they look sexy. You can talk to them about how difficult it is to have people see the 'real you' in this glammed-up, hypersexualized world and that it is unfortunate. p. 48

On TV:

Girls watching these shows have two types to choose from - girly and tomboy - whereas boys have a range of options available to them. They can be brainy, goofy, sensitive, tough, loyal, funny, mean, depressed, or bizarre. Girls can be either for the boys or with the boys. p. 62 emphasis added

On evil superheroines in movies & TV:

Like the popular girls [they] are defined by their looks. The are described as sophisticated beauties, supersexy, femme fatales, models of high tech or high style. Or they are the opposite of all this; they wear outdated jumpsuits and glasses or have gap teeth. Those who aren't fashion-challenged are cold, calculating versions of Lara Croft of Charlie's Angels: big-breasted, skinny-waisted, and long-legged, full of sensuality and anger. They are the antithesis of good girls. They don't fake niceness or smile a lot - kind of like the Terminator with big breasts and fashion sense. But they are made for boys - adventure and porn rolled into one. p. 78

It is as though the male creators of these shows are having flashbacks to their awkward prepubescent days and are unable to appreciate how present-day girls with more voice and more power might make better friends, might deserve real names and not the thinly veiled insults they are given, and might want to be genuine allies with the boys in their lives. p. 79

On media & girls in science:

In 1989 the National Science Teachers Association conducted [....] a draw-a-scientist experiment with over 1,600 children in grades two to twelve. Only 8 percent portrayed female scientists even though 60 percent of the responders were girls. In 1997 another study found similar results. p. 80

The persistent stereotype of science and scientists certainly has something to do with what girls see in the media. p. 81

There are no girl scientific geniuses. Not one. We scanned TV shows aimed at kids for scientists of any kind. Girls appear as backdrops or very occasionally as friends, collaborators, or assistants. A few are smart, but never are they scientifically brilliant. In fact, since boy geniuses are stereotypically socially challenged, they seem to need the help of precocious, annoying girls to make them look good. p. 81

On high schoolers watching TV:

The girls we surveyed said they watch Friends, Will&Grace, and Sex and the City religiously. p. 167

Over the past few years these shows have introduced topics to teens that we would guess 90 percent of sex education classes don't cover. p. 168

The bottom line is this: If you let your daughter watch TV and go to the movies, you're essentially enrolling her in a sex education course written primarily by boys and men, using traditionally sexy women as their teachers. Is this the curriculum you want? p. 115

On computer games:

There there is the ultimate marketing wonder - Neopets! .....There is nothing innocent here. Neopets is actually a sophisticated marketing scheme disguised as virtual pet care. ... The company is unabashedly gleeful about using 'immersive advertising,' which is 'an evolutionary step forward in the traditional marketing practice of product placement.'.... "We live and breathe market research," says Neopets' executive vice president....Neopets takes what seems like a natural caring nature in your daughter and finds a way to profit from it. ... What they're doing with little girls has long been done with mothers, playing on their desire to love and care for their children by creating anxieties that can only be met with products.p. 247

On Disney girls (pp.66-71):

Disney girls are women with Barbie doll bodies.
Disney girls and women are gossips and chatterboxes.
Disney girls mother and do the housework.
Disney girls have lovely voices.
Disney girls have no support systems.
Disney girls can't resist a mirror.
Disney girls are incomplete without a man.
Powerful Disney women are evil and ugly.
Disney girls are innocent.

Related books I recommend:

Born to Buy by Juliet Schor

No Logo by Naomi Klein

The Corporation by Joel Bakan

Backlash by Susan Faludi


and on my TBR list: Consumed: How Markets Corrupt Children, Infantilize Adults, and Swallow Citizens Whole

Garden's last hurrah

Hugo is under the weather. He went to bed feeling headachy last night, slept badly, woke with a fever, and finished the afternoon by heaving his chicken noodle soup just short of the toilet.

He's tried eating again and it seems to be staying down this time so hopefully the worst of it is over. Uno has been played, The Flintstones DVD's have been heavily used, and I've spent my day ferrying cold cloths, pillows, glasses of water, crackers, thermometers, and tylenol. It's not so bad when you're pretty sure it's not a 'serious' illness.

The weather is cooling. Last week I wore my winter coat on the morning dog walks. My tomatoes are turning black on the vines. We've had a cold summer and yet still, the garden put on a good show.

Hmmm. Not sure how I feel about this. I'm not a big fan of yellow, with only 2 notable exceptions, and this as you see, is definitely yellow. This baby's breath is hugely in need of dividing. Actually, everything is in need of dividing.
I've forgotten what this is called. Anyone? I used to have it in our garden plot, but that one was white.
Amelia's perennial sage and dahlia.
My beloved sweet peas. I adore sweet peas and they were the first thing I planted in this garden when we moved her last year. I had sweet peas in our garden plot also & each year I did the same thing: planted the seeds and then spent the rest of the growing season trying to keep up with staking & netting them. Next year I hope to finally have faith and put up the netting when I put in the seeds. It's just that there's something terribly forlorn about empty trellising and I always think I'll have the time to stay on top of it.
Oh the heavenly scent! The scrumptiously flirty petals.
One of the exceptions I make for yellow - cheery sunflowers!
Fuchsia in a pot by the front door.
Phlox nestled among the deodora in the front garden. There is a white phlox in the back garden which got powdery mildew and Roo chopped it off on the grounds that it was in the way of his mower & looked ugly anyway. It has been a mildewy summer; even our neighbour a couple houses down, named Guido & retired from working on the grounds in a local park, even he has powdery mildew on his maples - so we were doomed. I can't figure out how this one escaped, except maybe the morning glory that smothered it for a long part of the season provided some protection from the dread mildew. Whatever it was, once I started attacking the morning glory (a plant which has a lovely name & a vicious manner & which makes me quite mad) it appeared in its pink glory to shine on us.
A couple more weeks and we'll be cutting everything down for the winter. And so, another growing season comes to an end. Except for the grass and weeds - those seem to grow all year long here.

That's the kind of boy he is

Hugo has been having an ongoing conversation with Roo about a project he wants to work on. The conversation has been going on for well over a week.

Hugo is planning on building a submarine. In my basement. So far, an old ceiling fan has been taken apart into a billion little pieces which apparently will be seconded for the Nautilus.

For all I know, it may well be a nuclear submarine. Hugo is one of those boys who grows up to be one of those men with really big weird mechanical things in their basements, and a bunch of patents. I'm thinking a particle accelarator is what he'll ask for on his next birthday.

So, he's nattering away to Roo, and then says:

"Dad! I just had a brainhurricane!"

And that just IS Hugo. He doesn't brainstorm. He brainhurricanes!

raising a daughter

"See, my concern is that guinea pigs can live for 5 years of more. In 5 years, you'll be 17. Will you still be interested in guinea pigs? Won't you have other interests? Like boys maybe?"

"You can't keep boys in cages. Or can you? Feed them beer and pretzels and take them out once in a while?"

Bears

(If you don't know about the bears, read the previous post.)

They've given the bears walks, tea parties, and sponge baths. They've pulled out the pile of beautiful doll & premie baby clothes & they've dressed & undressed them. A is knitting her bear (Cleopatra) a scarf. H's bear (Chocolate) is mostly a nudist. But I'm sensing a bit of a peevishness in the kids.

H is still for the most part happy with the bear. But he's also the kid who can walk into a store, pull the first thing of a shelf and exclaim "this is perfect! Let's go home & play with it!" A is the one who agonizes over choosing everything. When she takes her allowance to spend at a shop, you need to be prepared for a long stay while she ponders and chooses. You don't want to take her to an ice cream shop with 31 flavours. She can handle choices such as 'vanilla or chocolate'?

In that Paradox of Choice book, Schwartz quotes a study which I don't have the reference for. I also can't remember the exact numbers. So I'm making up the details here but the gist is real. (most of my stories are like that; I suck at the details)

They had a jam display in a store. There were samples, and customers could purchase jars of the jam. In one group they had 5 (?) different types of jam; in the other they had 20 (?).

In each case, they measured how many people purchased jam after trying the free sample. They also asked people how happy they were with their purchase.

The results: when faced with only 5 choices, people were much more likely to actually buy a jar, AND they were much happier about their purchase.

The people with 20 choices didn't buy as much jam, and those who did weren't as happy with their purchase. Schwarts suggests that knowing all the options you didn't choose makes you question your choice, and makes you less satisfied with it. You always wonder whether you shouldn't have chosen that other one....

I think A is a bit peevish because of all those choices presented in that shop. I think she's also realizing at some level that having a bear, or having a bear in a certain outfit, doesn't actually change your life much. It's nice to have, sure (even though our home is already a stuffed animal zoo). But you still live in the same place, and you still have an obnoxious brother who bugs you, and it doesn't really change anything. At least I hope that these are some of the lessons she's absorbing.

Speaking of rampant consumerism

My children went to a party today at Build A Bear. (no, I won’t include a link because I don’t want to promote this place). I had never even heard of it until last Monday. We don’t watch commercial TV, and don’t bring advertising flyers to the home. We don't go to the mall to just wander around. We shop for clothes only a few times a year and then it's very fast: into a couple stores, pick up our stuff, leave.

This particular meme has been infecting young girls in our area & 2 of the victims are friends of my daughter. Hence, the birthday party invitation.

Here’s their shtick. You pay an exorbitant amount of $ for an empty bear or other creature. You take it to the machine which stuffs it with fluff. I watched a woman buying one for her mother (presumably for mother’s day) and the salesclerk did a whole routine about stuffing the animal with love, including making the customer yell out loud ‘I love my mom!!!’ I could just imagine the training manual: ‘we’re not just selling a bear, we’re providing an entire bear-buying experience!’

And then, the clerk takes the customer around the store to buy outfits and accessories for your bear. They have everything you could imagine: chinos, swim suits, pajamas, tuxedos & wedding gowns, themed outfits, bikinis, roller skates….. It’s insane. All ‘Made in China’ of course. All look like miniature GAP clothes and accessories. All come with pricetags like regular-prized GAP merchandise. There are little dressing rooms for the bears with 3 way mirrors. It's surreal; adults spending tons of money to dress teddy bears. (Is this yet another sign of the immaturity of this culture?)

As we were part of a party, there were some games & activities but really, the whole thing is about shopping. The party package includes the basic bear for each guest (cost: $15). It comes in 2 colors. If the guest brings extra money, they can ‘upgrade’ to another bear or animal, of which there is a huge selection. So the party starts with the sales/party hostess asking all the kids “did you bring extra money or are you just getting the basic?”

(Guess what? My kids got the basic.)

Then they stuff it and give it a pretend bath and groom it at the grooming table. And then, the shopping starts. If you didn’t bring any extra money to purchase outfits, you get some free ribbons.

(Guess what? My kids got the ribbons.)

They get a birth certificate for their bear & get to take it home in a big cardboard box decorated like a house (one of those ones that closes like cardboard cat carriers). Inside is a goody bag containing stickers and brochures and advertising for more merchandise in the store.

At the end, they get in a circle and recite a pledge about being a good owner to the bear they just created. I thought they might as well be saying “I promise to be a good consumer and to never question the value of what I’m buying. I pledge to return here with all my money and give it all to you in return for over-priced ridiculous items.”

On the way out, the staff tell the kids how much they loved having them & that they hope they’ll all come back soon to buy new outfits for their bears.

BLEH.

But. My kids had fun. They didn’t mind being the only ones to have the basic bears with no clothes. They liked the cardboard box to bring it home in. They want to sew and knit some outfits for their bears.

I had warned them that there might be some pressure to buy stuff but that it was highly overpriced and that we should just stick to the basic item in the party. I brought money just in case it turned out to be a really big deal for the kids, but they were fine – just a bit bored waiting for everyone to finish shopping (the other kids had brought their allowances to spend).

It was an opportunity to talk about our values.