The unthanksgiving turkey

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving, Canadian or American, so I'm a bit vague on the whole thing. All I know is that US Thanksgiving is waaay too late in the year.

But I couldn't help but notice that US Thanksgiving was coming up because all the homeschooling boards, message lists, and blogs were full of plans, recipes, family arguments and general panic about the upcoming holiday.

And oddly enough, I had a turkey in my freezer. The Superstore does this to me quite regularly. I think they do it out of spite. I try very hard to time my biweekly shopping to hit the $30 off coupon but instead I hit the free turkey with stunning regularity. One year I had three of them in my freezer.

And the thing is? I don't really like turkey. I suspect the turkey marketing board has me on some list.

So here I was again with a turkey in the freezer, and in some roundabout way we ended up not only deciding to cook the sucker, but to invite people over for dinner.

Which is how I got totally confused about when US Thanksgiving was.

The logic (if I can loosely use the word) seems to have been as follows:

-US Thanksgiving is coming up
-they have turkey on US Thanksgiving
-I am having turkey on Sunday (last)
-ergo, US Thanksgiving is Sunday, Nov 23

'cause you know, the world revolves around me & my turkey!

I even went so far as to email-wish someone Happy Thanksgiving about a week too early. Which wouldn't have been so bad perhaps if we weren't communicating about every 2 days and so this I think came across as an "and now I don't want to talk to you for at least a week". Which is not what I meant at all. It's just that I thought Thanksgiving was only two days away.......

For posterity (actually it's just so I have all the recipes on hand for the next time a turkey lands in my freezer) here is the day's progression and the recipes:

Get up way too early.
Ask Roo to walk the dog.
Drink coffee.
Start dough for rolls.
Turn on oven.
Wash and scrub potatoes for potatoes romanoff and shove them in the oven to bake.
Have breakfast while arranging the recipes and preparing a detailed spreadsheet for the entire family's tasks that day.
Get dishes, cutlery, mixing bowls etc all arranged and organized.
Check one more time all ingredients on hand. Discover have no more coffee. Add shopping to Roo's list.
Make stuffing. Discover 10 year old boys can pretty much make this recipe on their own. Thank Hugo for all his help and dismiss him from the kitchen.
Ask Roo to grate the baked potatoes into a big bowl.
Get out the bread dough & shape buns. Put in warming drawer to rise.
Ask Amelia to assemble to potato casserole. Throw recipe card at her and tell her to just wing it and put it in the fridge when ready.
Check spreadsheet and squelch mild panic attack. Eat something to readjust blood sugar chemistry.
Begin working on the beans & bacon. Dismiss Amelia for the length of time it takes to make the sauce and then call her back to roll the beans in the bacon. Shove them in the fridge.
Put buns in oven.
Take turkey out and give him a bath in the kitchen sink.
Get Roo to dig out the neck because I can't pull it out.
Dismiss thoughts of Mr. Bean, losing jewellery up a turkey and wearing turkey on one's head.
Glare at Roo's attempts at frivolity when he makes the turkey dance around the sink. Send Roo away.
Take buns out of oven. Freak out that they're stuck to the pan. Give Amelia task of getting them out of the pan.
Tweeze some stray feathers. Meditate on the fact that I have not had time to pluck my own eyebrows and yet I'm tenderly plucking a turkey.
Get turkey all nicely arranged on roasting pan. Discover out of string. Find a stray piece of string at bottom of knife drawer & try to ascertain its fiber origin. Use it and hope it'll not melt in the oven. Truss the turkey. Put back in fridge. Calculate for the umpteenth time that it will only take approx. 2h to cook a 17.7 lb turkey in a convection oven.
Chop more onion and celery & put the neck and giblets in a pot with water and set to simmer.
Put turkey in oven.
Clean kitchen, load dishwasher, run dishwasher.
Check lists.
Wonder why, why, why Roo is vacuuming the deck.
Suggest he vacuum the roof next.
Ask kids to set the table.
Try to figure out the chairs. Not enough chairs. Ugly chairs. Uncomfortable chairs.
Consider sneaking out and driving away to here.
Instead, get dressed.
Baste turkey.
Put potato casserole in oven.
Ponder how best to reheat stuffing.
Arrange bean & bacon thingies on roasting pan.
Baste turkey.
Start making gravy. Discover that the simmering stock has not been simmering long enough to have any flavour. Ponder serving two cups of something that looks like vanilla pudding and tastes vaguely of turkey stock. Come up with a cunning plan, a plan so cunning you could stick a feather on it and call it a ....(Black Adder anyone?)
Baste turkey.
Begin grilling bean thingies.
Oven meat probe announces turkey is ready so pull the sucker out so he can rest.
Wonder when my time to rest will be?

Guest arrive.
Be merry.

Drink the Fat Bastard shiraz I got specially for the occasion. Gaawd, I love that hippo. And I like to say fat bastard too.

Eat the dinner.

Eat the dessert someone else brought and be thankful that was one thing I didn't need to think about at all.



BEST WAY UNBRINED TURKEY (CONVECTION)- courtesy of San Francisco Chronicle

INGREDIENTS:
1 turkey, 12 to 16 pounds

2 tablespoons melted butter

4 tablespoons kosher salt

1 1/2 teaspoons pepper

1/2 cup chicken stock

INSTRUCTIONS: Preheat A convection oven to 375°. If your oven has settings for Baking or Roasting, select Roasting.

Remove the turkey from the packaging; rinse and dry well. Brush 2 tablespoons melted butter over the skin; sprinkle 4 tablespoons kosher salt and 1 1/2 teaspoons pepper over the skin and in the cavity. Tuck the wing tips under and tie the legs together. Place bird breast-up in a V-shaped roasting rack in a shallow roasting pan.

Roast for 45 minutes. Baste with 1/2 cup chicken stock.

Return turkey to oven and baste with pan drippings every 20 minutes until internal thigh temperature reaches 165°.

A 12- to 16-pound bird will cook in about 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 hours.

Let turkey rest for 20 to 30 minutes before carving.


~~~~

Walnut & Cranberry Stuffing

10-12 cups very dry french bread cubes; nice to have 1/2 sourdough
1 cup chopped walnuts
2 cups each chopped onions & celery
6 Tbsp butter
1 green apple, peeled, cored & chopped
3/4 cup dried cranberries
1-2 cups chicken or turkey stock
1/4 cup fresh chopped parsley
1 tsp poultry seasoning
salt & ground pepper to taste

Roast walnuts in microwave about 1-2 mins.
Melt 3 Tbsp butter in large pan & saute the bread cubes.
In a large pot or dutch oven, melt the rest of the butter & saute the onion & celery until fragrant. Add the rest of the ingredients and about 1 cup of the stock. Stir. Cover and cook on low for about 1 hour. Check at 10 min intervals & add water/stock to keep it moist and not sticking to bottom of pot. Don't add too much or it will be mushy.
8-10 servings

~~~~

Potatoes Romanoff

8 med-large baking potatoes
500 ml sour cream
1 bunch green onion
1.5 cups grated old or medium cheddar cheese
1.5 tsp each salt & pepper
paprika

Bake potatoes. Peel & grate. Add sr. cream, onion, 1 cup cheese, salt & pepper. Put into buttered 9x13 pan. Top with remaining cheese & sprinkle with paprika. Cover & refrigerate several hours or overnight. Bake at 350F for about an hour.
10-12 servings

(note: the potatoes must be baked. I tried it once with cooked & it was ick. And don't skip the refrigerator part - it's better if it has time in the fridge before baking).

~~~~

Bean & Bacon thingies are from The Pioneer Woman.
Wonderful.
Even when you burn them like I did. Learn from this & watch them like a hawk towards the end.

~~~~

Cunning gravy

2 biggish Tbsp butter
2 biggish Tbsp flour

Make roux. Slowly add 2 cups of lame hot turkey "stock" aka water with some bits floating in it. Do not be alarmed at the pale concoction in your pot. Set aside on very low heat.

Prepare 1 packet of instant turkey gravy according to package directions. Mix the two gravies. Adjust seasoning.

Celebrate.

~~~~

Serve everything with the cranberry sauce which you thoughtfully made in October.

And don't forget the Fat Bastard.