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KathyJo challenged us to go ‘offend someone’.

I did that recently. And it was not about breastfeeding, homeschooling or politics – which is probably why I didn’t even see it coming.

Someone brought up the DaVinci Code movie on an e-mail list. I said I had enjoyed the book but probably would not like the movie because “Between the mullet and the trout-lips pretty much every frame will be an ‘ugh’ moment.”

To which, someone replied querying my comment about the trout lips and whether Tom Hanks had some cosmetic surgery or what?

I clarified: “No, the French chickie poo has, the ‘ow youuuu say? Leeeps? Yes? Oui? Mine are so beeeeg! I can, ‘ow you say?, pout? so nice look.”

And then? And then a francophone on the e-mail list took offense.

And so in the interests of preserving harmony on one of the few e-mail lists I bother reading anymore, I apologized (in a half-assed manner. but it's the thought that counts, no?).

“Golly gee – as a European person who had a strong accent for quite a few years, and who has an entire huge family which all speak with various accents, including a whole whack on my husband’s side, I’m surprised.

The thrust of my rapier was at her lips. The fact that Hollywood likes to exploit actresses with certain accents is a secondary issue; certainly the ditzy sex kitten with an accent is a stock character. Sorry if you found my humour offensive.

And what the heck, I’ll apologize in advance to anyone with large lips who also finds my comment offensive. And also to anyone who had small lips but had them surgically enhanced to make them larger. And also to people with mullets.”

Which brings me nicely to another point (no, don’t worry, not mullets) – email lists and message boards.

Apparently, there’s a bit of a tizzy going on at the moment in classical ed circles, with people getting all emotional about curricula, educational methods, latin, history, secular, not secular, yadayadayada….. AGAIN. The amount of energy invested in these spats is amazing. BTDT, and I’m SO done with that. I drop in on the boards only a couple times a year. I subscribe to a couple local homeschool lists (where most posts are announcements and event planning), and one writing list. My current posting motto is to say my piece, but only if I feel my head will explode otherwise. Maybe post one follow-up, but only if I really think it's a matter of clarification of my original post. Otherwise, just let it go. Stop reading the damned thing for a couple days. If necessary, stop reading the damned thing altogether.

It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong, if they’re misguided, if they’ve confused three different ideas and are on the path to hell. It’s their business, and you won’t convince them anyway, and in the meantime, you’ve wasted precious time which could (should?) have been spent with your children, or planning the details your family’s educational path, or sleeping, or tracking down that book someone recommended, or reading a romance, or learning ancient greek, or writing a 1000 word article on the subject which you can pitch to a magazine. Move on. You don’t need to have the last word.

So says Hornblower, who started a blog partly to have the last word (because I can turn off comments anytime if y’all start disagreeing with me too much!).

Tags: email - message boards - arguments - classical education - mullets - da vinci code