yes, it's tough to stay home

A couple posts back, the costs of staying home with children came up.

I want to say that I know how hard it is. When my first child was born, I had a very good job with the federal government, benefits, pension, yadayada. And I liked the job!!

I was also earning considerably more than my husband. My paycheck was paying the mortgage, the strata fees, utilities, and the little bit left was going to a savings account for home maintenance and repairs. We lived off Roo's paycheck and there wasn't a whole hell of a lot left by the end of each month. And we are in Vancouver, which is not a cheap city to live in.

The original plan was for me to stay home for 1 year and then go back to work. Because on paper, there was no way we could afford to have me stay home.

But I stayed home anyway. And I had a 2nd child. So yeah, it's tough, but it can be done. I considered all kinds of things, including not living where we're living. In the end, we stayed put but we cut back hard. I keep very detailed financial records and I can tell you that it was hard. Value Village for the few clothes we needed. Buy only a few quality items which last. Swap meets for kids stuff. There was no knitting, no yoga, no exercise class, no going out for coffee with friends. There were dorky but infrequent haircuts from those $7 places. We socialized at home, with cookies made from no-name ingredients. My discretionary spending was $15 per month. Splurges were funded completely from gifts. We were fortunate to have a supportive family who gave us lots of things. We were also fortunate to have been financially wise in our early years, to be starting out with no debts other than the mortgage, and to have never gotten used to an expensive lifestyle.

It was luck, but it was also making good choices all along. And it's about knowing how to pinch a penny until it screams.

Poppins is right - it's all about choice. The women I know, the ones I meet in my work as an IBCLC, they have choices. I know there are women who don't have these choices but those are not the women I work with. The women I know live in nice homes in a very expensive city, they drive nice cars, they have fancy TV's, they knit, they quilt, they go to Saltspring Island for a summer getaway, and to Whistler for a winter treat. They moan about how they can't afford to stay home, but they're holding a Starbucks schmancy-fancy poopachino, and wearing those fancy new appliqued jeans, and showing off a baby dressed in the latest fashions.

For anyone who is looking to take charge of their finances, to see just how much is being frittered away, you can't go wrong with starting with David Bach's books on financial planning. Smart Couples Finish Rich is a good one because it forces you to look at your values. If for example, you say that you value family time, why isn't your life reflecting that? Can you be making other choices about how you spend your money which will align your life with your values? Keep track of your money, and really meditate on the difference between want and need.

(And you'll notice we're only now thinking of moving out of this home - it's 1065 square feet, 2 bedroom condo, and we have 2 adults and 2 children living here with an assortment of animals. Lots of people would have said they needed to move into a house a lot earlier. If I had gone to work, we would have been living in a big house + yard years ago. But my values tell me that it's more important for kids to have a loving parent home with them, than a yard. And so we waited until Roo's industry dragged itself out a slump and things started picking up.)

And for the hardcore stuff - breastfeed, buy 2nd hand cloth diapers, borrow the Tightwad Gazette from the library. Learn to cook rice, beans and lentils. Know that it can be done.