Why not just send them to boarding school?

A new independent school took out a full-page ad in my local paper. They entice prospective parents with the following selling points:

• regular classes from 8:30 to 4:00
• enrichment activities daily from 4:00 to 5:00
• before and after school care programs from 7:30 to 6:00 (I'll do the math for you: that's 10.5 hours!)

Of course this is very convenient. You drop the kids off at 7:30, get to the office at 8:30 (did I mention this school is in the suburbs, so odds are you'd have a commute). Finish work at 5, pick up kid at 6. And you needn't worry about all this time the child is spending away from you. First, class size is small so they can really bond with their peers (and become peer dependent in G. Neufeld's terms). Second, starting in Grade 4 they get a dedicated laptop so they can bond with a machine.

Of course on weekends you might actually have to spend time with the children. Most overachieving parents know that sports, a musical instrument, and perhaps a dance or theatre class are vitally important. If you arrange things right, you can have at least one day of the weekend completely filled with these enriching activities which don't involve you at all except as chauffeur. And pretty soon your children won't even want to spend time with you; they'll be too busy with friends, activities, and MSN chat.

So why not just go the boarding school route? You wouldn't need to pretend that you're raising your child. Your really could blame the boarding school for everything that goes wrong in your child's life. And if the boarding school is sufficiently awful, the children will be happy to return home for term holidays. Then you can bask in the warm fuzzy feelings that come from being preferred to bullying, lack of privacy and endless stress. Of course, boarding schools are still a bit more expensive; but isn't your child worth it?